The Mother of Virtue
Fiction
Recovered communications provide the evidence revealing the unintended consequences of a high tech product launch. Warning: May contain traces of marketing jargon.
Beg pardons,
necessary pre-mumble. News for some of you, a recap for others.
These documents were obtained feloniously from Veritas’s secure server in Nov ‘19. Released into the public domain by parties unknown, the following communications now constitute the basis of the charges being brought in The Hague.
But first, introductions.
The defendant is Susan Engerlund, who became VP of Corporate Communications at Veritas. Her code name was Moldy Warp when she was ‘closely associating’ Keith Clopet, President of Oam, the large electrical engineering conglomerate.
Keith Clopet intended to subsume his multi-billion dollar Oam into a newly formed business entity - Veritas (Goddess of Truth, choke) - valuation unknown, as the condition for acquiring the patents, technology, processes and experience behind the Honestli.
Several Oam directors thought Clopet dangerously deluded to focus on the as yet unproven lie-detection bio-energetic assaying technology behind the Honestli.
Among the disaffected Oam board members was one Edward Meyer. He was instrumental in recruiting a dark shadow board within Oam, the Bounty Group, to oppose Clopet from within and if possible derail what the Bounty Group saw as a self-immolating merger plan.
Meyer recruited Engerlund to the Bounty Group presumably by flexing his big broad political connections at her even while she was ‘closely associating’ Clopet most nights.
Engerlund is known to have aspirations towards public service as she herself said, “at the very highest levels.”
NBI (Nothing But Initials) - Veritas ad agency. AFS (Any Flat Surface) Media handled the media buy for the largest ad campaign ever run and measured audience response in press, outdoor, TV as well as the free and commercial internets.
All routine header and addressing guff removed and decryption records omitted for everyone’s sanity. Entries are in chronological order from 16 July ‘17 to 7 April ’19.
Is everyone sitting comfortably? We’ll begin with Engerlund’s conversion from apostate to acolyte.
From Moldy Warp
To Bounty Group
Despite the best intentions of the Bounty group, a little bird has told me that our beloved Presidente and his band of Spineless Men will announce a reverse takeover with Skilling’s exotic little boutique rather than the complete hostile takeover we pressed for.
Like it or not, Skilling’s lie detection techniques will become the proprietary backbone of a new entity, Veritas which will subsume all our previously autonomous divisions of Oam. If Skilling’s discovery about our internal bio-electrics peaking whilst lying proves to be wrong or worse, indetectable, we are all so utterly fubar’d.
Skilling’s mob are testing prototypes with the criminal classes around the world as I write. Our future is in the hands of robbers, thieves and rapists now.
I’ll have access to these results when they come in. You’ll get them first. Keith’s a lovely bloke but what a way to run a railroad.
MW
From Moldy Warp
To Bounty Group
I think we can breathe. I’ve seen the results and the damn thing works as advertised and then some. Much as it galls me to admit it I think we’re onto a winner here.
In comparison tests, commercially available polygraphs can’t touch a bio-energetic field assay for accuracy. It’s so damn sensitive if the target even thinks about fibbing, it beeps or blinks to let the user know.
Having seen what it can do, we wouldn’t have the slightest hope of keeping the Bounty Group under wraps if asked about it. I say we capitulate gracefully to the Honestli and get wretchedly wealthy instead.
MW
And from here on in Engerlund is in Cheerleader mode. This is the basis of our case against her, she’s a full-on operator now, no mere employee she.
To all Div. heads - Welcome, one and all
Please fwd a sincere hello from us at Corpcomm to all the newcomers in your freshly-minted Veritas Division.
To get the unpleasantness of the merger behind us and to focus our attention on our first new project as Veritas, we'll be holding a series of Meet & Greet events in the Stramash and Shanner boardrooms (See map) over the next two weeks.
As we move from testing and development of the Honestli concept into the production phase, many of us are changing horses in the middle of the stream so please make the time to discover each others’ strengths and really, really facilitate some inter-disciplinary dialoguing here.
The, no, OUR launch of the Honestli will show that our corporate cultures are stronger as one than two.
Corpcomm encourages your Div. to use the wall space (no Powerpoint presentations, no intranet sites please) to show us what area of development of the Honestli your Div. is involved in.
(NO sticky tape on the walls pls, use pins provided)
Looking forward to getting to know you all - should be fun.
Sue
Corpcomm
To N.Stoddart - Engineering Div. /Re; Welcome, one and all
Neil,
I am so personally disappointed to discover it was someone in your Div. who propagated the "You sniff mine, I'll sniff yours" memo.
It's hard enough to get people to work together without someone making a mockery of our efforts.
We're still hoping to see some representation from Eng. Div.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. heads - Pre-production run test results– CONFIDENTIAL
First production run test results are in.
Toplining; even without shielding, the proposed Honestli production version successfully conducted thousands of bio-energetic field assays.
In truth evaluation shakedown tests in correctional facilities, the production version consistently and accurately detected lies of omission AND commission.
Untruths - even white lies - were spotted with an error rate of less than 3 per ten thousand A@D (attempts @ deception).
Corrected for possible bias field errors, production version Honestli’s instantaneously detected lies with 99.95% accuracy.
Engineering Div. says we’ll be able to increase accuracy after configuration testing on the case shielding to reduce user interference further.
That’s great news, well done to all Divs.
Production schedules remain on track but launch date is still tbd.
This is not for release, fyi ONLY.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Jurisprudence R&D - Report on Issues of Trust
Jurisprudence R&D says the largest opportunities for the Honestli are proving to be in commercial trust evaluation.
An Honestli field assay would unambiguously reveal a party’s intention to deceive or willfully sunder the conditions of a contract.
Attaching a Honestli field assay to a contract would replace a signature as an article of good intent – without relying on intangibles and un-measurables like faith or trust, markedly reducing the risk of default.
By extension, attaching a Honestli field assay to ANY inter pares agreement releases both parties from the constraints of trust alone.
The Big News is that we may have a good case to seek amendments to Contract Law to make Honestli assays admissable in US courts.
When you consider how many legally binding agreements are signed each day you see the massively potential role for the Honestli within legal and commercial markets.
We’re still researching domestic formats – credit card and pen, details v.soon.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Language tests
Semantic tests in Japan, Iceland, Portugal, Fiji, Hungary and Wales have shown bio-energetic field assays to be 100% language independent.
FYI, assays are accurate with sign languages too.
Sue
Corpcomm
To Engineering Div. -Vagueness, prevarication or obfuscation not sufficient
To put a component of our commercial interests in context, research tells us corporate users would like a room-wide (think boardrooms) field assay.
Corporate users are looking for more specific input than merely an indication of vagueness, prevarication or obfuscation somewhere in the room.
Ideally we'd need the source of a positive assay indicated to within .45 meter. Can we develop an aim-able or focusable Honestli (like a video camera)?
Sue
Corpcomm
To International Div. - Pan-cultural evaluations/foreign sales
Our representatives are currently talking with senior religious leaders in the Muslim countries.
No news yet as to what their response to the Honestli will be.
After representations from Veritas Sino, the Chinese government has pre-emptively banned the release and sale of the Honestli. The good news is they have ordered several million for official government use only. Kudos to Li Yin and Kevin for bringing that one back from the brink.
Sue
Corpcomm
To N. Stoddart - Engineering Div./ Re; Vagueness, prevarication or obfuscation not sufficient
Thx Neil, you're right. A Narrow Field Honestli assay clashes with the concept of a Wide Field Honestli assay.
However, we still have a lot of corporate interest in a focusable Wide Field assay assessment - let's find a way to speak to that interest.
Sue
Corpcomm
To Sales Div. - Corporate applications – line extensions
Eng Div. tells us they could attach/instal remote access or switchable Honestli chips and assay transmission units directly onto or into boardroom tables and other institutional furniture and fittings "for sweeties".
(That's 'cost-effectively' for those of us who didn't go to Engineering School :)
This combo would deliver the corporate end-user with an assay and accurate directional information. Research to run this by the corporate early adopters to see if they'll bite.
We're looking for more Windows of Opportunity for embedding the Honestli - Fixed Site is a whole new market on top of commercial portables.
We’re thinking courtrooms, council chambers, confessionals and the like – any party-to-party event where Issues of Trust manifest.
Feel free to send me WoO’s you may have thought about even if you haven’t formally SWOT’d them.
Kudos to Engineering Div. for pulling yet another rabbit out of the hat!
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - 99.99999 accuracy achieved.
Engineering and Production Divs have increased the sensitivity of the Honestli array and changed the shielding to yield the much vaunted Five 9’s accuracy we need to support our product claims.
We don’t expect the changes to significantly affect production timetables.
Hats off to Prod. and Eng. Divs.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Domestics/Focus group feedback
As part of our Blue Sky initiative, we've been focus-grouping and dialoging with various constituencies and stakeholders to evaluate their response to the core Honestli concept.
Chapman Research will give all Div. heads a full de-briefing but here’s a heads-up on the salients;
• All groups (under 55) love, love, love
the basic Honestli concept.
(Surprisingly no one was too concerned that the Honestli doesn't work on the printed word, telephone or video.)
• Males (25-55) showed great interest in the bio-electrical field assaying technology. Looking for guarantees of functionality.
• Females (25-55) more ambivalent about the technology but more focused on social value/effects.
• ALL M/Fs -Vibrating positive assay indicator A MUST HAVE.
• Audio indicator OK but must have optional off-switching capabilities.
• M’s (12- 25) particularly liked "You Lying Bastard" graphic.
• F’s (13-19) liked "Know who your friends are" graphic.
• Credit card version more popular than pen-shape – nobody writes and flat is easier to carry and conceal.
See you bright and early Tues 7.30 for full research de-briefing - doughnuts/coffee too.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Honestli file format agreement
Upstairs has secured agreement in principle to have the Honestli field assay format - .hon - incorporated into the major operating systems, subject to license agreements.
With the .hon tag, Honestli field assays will be attached digitally to electronic documents suitable for sending online and archiving as a legal instrument.
Widespread adoption of the .hon tag will expand our user base rapidly as all parties will need Honestli hardware to create and verify commercial grade assays.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Mandatory terminology
Research reveals that the words ‘lie’ and ‘liar’ arouse negative connotations in many of our domestic and commercial demographics.
To avoid being associated with any negative connotations involved with these terms, the words ‘lie’ and ‘liar’ must not be used in ANY Veritas communication internal or external, effective immediately
.
Refer to a lie detected by the Honestli as revealing ‘a positive assay’.
Refer to those who are the object of a Honestli field assay as 'subjects' not 'targets', effective immediately.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Foundries coming on stream
Most of you have already toured our local foundry. Well, Scarborough goes into full-scale production trials this Thursday.
Scotland, Israel, Spain, India and Laos are still a couple of weeks away from coming on stream but they're still 4 weeks ahead of schedule.
After much hard work, the production version Honestli is becoming a reality at last.
Launch dates can’t be far behind…
Sue
Corpcomm
To Brand Development Div. - Graphics for domestic markets
Despite the fact that the under-35 M/F market seems to be genetically programmed to accumulate shiny objects, we have to package the Honestli with graphics appropriate for the demographic.
To grab this low-hanging fruit, how about we slap on some youth market specific graphics – snowboard, sky luge or Xtreme-whatever, some wolf puke graphics on the shell for the tween/teen Ms ?
How about a co-marketing deal with motorcycle/beer co’s for the mid-life crisis guys?
Although we may not much care personally for the rise of SnatchAction, can we co-opt their graphics to reach the 15-25 edge-queens?
What are Japanese teenage girls into this week?
Ask oracleDesign to steal some retro look that hasn't been repurposed yet. There must be some dreck from the early-90’s due for a creative re-imagining.
Final production moulds for the shell are due next month. We hope to have the graphic treatments ready for review at the same time.
Happy New Year to all btw.
Sue
Corpcomm
To Engineering Div. - Input on output
Despite the vibrating option STILL being the most favored signal, the under-25 Honestli users in social situations want their audio notification to indicate what direction the positive assay came from.
(Beep for in front, ting-a-ling from behind, chime for right, drum for left kind of thing.)
Brand Development Div. suggests a range of directional tones designed by DJ's on a subscription website.
Prod. Div. notes a new audio port will demand new shell design.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Espionage issues
Our ad agency, NBI, caught someone raking through their garbage last night. This means someone knows enough to be nosey. However, I am assured NBI routinely destroys all Honestli materials from contact reports to rough layouts after circulation so no valuable information was compromised.
Piracy concerns are obviously paramount but Security says the assay algorithm is secure. Anyone wanting to pirate Honestli's would have to build their own foundry to cast the Honestli chip.
That's still no excuse for letting our guard down - bag searches will continue and until the launch please note one more time, no laptops are to leave the building.
Tele-commuting will be cancelled for the immediate future and intranet id's will be changed daily. Pls alert office security to guard against dumpster divers.
IT, please remind your Div. that Wardrivers and Soc.Engineers will be testing our security on a random basis.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads – Launch Dates!
You knew it had to happen sooner or later.
Here are our official drop dead launch dates. Or rather date;
North America Jun 30
South America Jun 30
Europe (EU only) Jun 30
Japan Jun 30
Australia Jun 30
Micronesia Jun 30
India Jun 30
Yes, that date is right. The Honestli launch will be the first ever simultaneous 24-hour pan-global product launch. We'll be reaching the largest ever event audience with a pan-global launch ad in the middle of the Olympics – over 1.5 billion people watching the final
will see our name. We can safely expect more than a quarter of the world will know about the Honestli within 24 hours.
Pre-launch teaser campaign attached - "The biggest media event in the world - and here's how you'll know."
China, many African and Muslim states are still on hold pending senior managements on-site evaluation of cultural receptivity to Honestli concept.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Camouflage
Our pre-launch camouflage concept for the next ten days will be that the Honestli is the first bio-quantum wallet for all denominations of e-money and bio-id passwords.
Contact Div. to leak.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Pre-launch media training
I know everyone’s mad busy right now but please remember media presentation rehearsals this evening at 6.30.
(Production Div. can't release any production models because the graphics are peeling off the shell in TV light tests.)
All Contact Div. personnel, pls make sure you have a credit card with you as a stand-in prop for rehearsals.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Thank you
I hope you all found your very own personal Honestli on your desk this morning. The upstairs team asked me to pass on their thanks for all your hard work sorting out production and distribution kinks.
T minus 12 and counting!
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Ad campaign in-house screening
We'll be showing English language version of our longform commercials (incl. 14 min. special edits) in the Shanner boardroom all day today.
We'll be showing "Aboriginal treaty", "No, it’s perfectly safe" and "Best friends forever"
.
"Of course I won't " is for cinema release only but come round to M'k'ting and they'll show you the unexpurgated version. Directed by Bubar (he/she of the infamous Peachfuzz video) and shot on location, they're sure to be winning awards.
We’re very excited.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Launch day and night. Last calls...
Any and all media contact is to be made by Contact Div - just redirect nosey reporters to Contact Div.
Pls try and resist the temptation to answer even what appears to be the simplest question. "No comment" should be our mantra.
Keep your eyes peeled for strangers in the building and don't be afraid to challenge them – you have your Honestli to verify their answer. Security will also be patrolling the building so keep your ID's on hand at all times.
Fresh food and drink will be freely available for the next 24 hours. A doctor is on call for medical emergencies but remember your medication if you have any.
That's it - no more messages until the Honestli hits the streets Saturday/Sunday.
See you on the other side!
Sue
Corpcomm
All Div. heads - Coke, Nike, Oam - who they?
Phew, that was quite the ride watching our launch roll out – and what a response! We made quite a splash.
Nearly 31% of the world's population was exposed to the core Honestli concept at least forty three times in the last 24 hours.
Additionally our audience was exposed to $450,000,000 worth of free publicity within 72 hours. That's additional to our media spend - the biggest commercial spend in history.
Early research says our spontaneous, unprompted recall makes us as well known as Coke and Nike and that's within 24 hours.
We are the news this week. Congrats to everyone, you've made history.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - COOL NEWS !
The boy band, BandIt, will be releasing a single "Would I lie to you?" with our Honestli almost the star of the video. Now that's what I call product placement.
Production Div. - can we do a BandIt graphic for the shell for a cross promo with the band?
Let's look at 500,000 or so for a limited edition. See me for show tickets.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Post-launch developments
Corporate adoption rates remain high. Fixed site Honestli installations continue to increase. Trial fixed site installations with law enforcement agencies and vehicles still increasing in US (regional figures vary).
Non-US law enforcement agencies show slightly slower trial adoption rates (the Not Invented Here syndrome again).
Veritas Euro reports no news on whether a positive assay is to be admitted as evidence in EU courts yet.
US Congressional Judicial Review C'tee to report on Contract Law developments next week.
Sue
Corpcomm
Brand Development Div. Post-launch research groups - Domestics
We’re getting mixed messages from domestic focus groups.
• Under-30s (M&F) report increased deliberate falsification by 25-35% a day to evoke response.
• Under-30s (M&F) also report that 54% “don't like hearing things they didn't want to know” and 17% have lost friends as a consequence of unguarded Honestli use.
• 25% report increased rates of argumentation.
• 13% report increase in domestic turbulence.
• Coefficient of Trust in Under-30s fallen slightly compared to pre-launch baseline.
• Teens and tweens are showing significantly less at home Honestli use (strict parental influence?) than other groups, less school use (new rules) but more interpersonal use.
Coefficient of Trust within this younger group falling - both public and private dimensions of trust show marked erosion.
We can’t explain this dislocate between negative feedback found in research and highly positive sales out on the street but we’re grateful for it.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Honestli banned on ALL commercial flights
After tests, Boeing announced that a pilot's bio-energetic field is focused by the shape of the airframe in the cockpit and directed without attenuation along the entire length of the fuselage.
Boeing reports the field strength is well within the operational parameters of the Honestli and consequently a High Correlative assay on the pilot’s announcements could be achieved simply by placing the Honestli close to the cabin walls, directing the sensor array at least 45 degrees away from nearby passengers.
After the release of the Boeing report, seventeen major airlines flying Boeing aircraft have banned Honestli use in-flight.
All other US and national carriers say they will follow suit.
The airlines say that Honestli use indicating a positive assay during the pilot's announcements could compromise pilot/passenger trust.
Contact Div. to meet with airlines reps to handle PR.
Obviously we will support and wholeheartedly endorse the airlines recommendation - to be seen as sympathetic to aircraft safety. Contact Div to use “aircraft frequencies interfere with assay accuracy” cover story reflecting the technical necessity of the Honestli ban rather than the ethical issue.
This incident a great demonstration of the power of the Honestli and to have our Honestli technology validated by the engineering skills of Boeing is an unexpected PR bonus for us.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Q1 sales – brace yourself !
42% over best estimates !
We’re currently 2-300,000 units a month SHORT of meeting demand.
Year 2 estimates are to be revised upwards to reflect more than 70,000,000 Honestli owners worldwide.
Veritas up 55c to $32.66 today already. Sudden Wealth counsellors are available through Human Resources.
Sue
Corpcomm
To Brand Development Div. - Pyschographic research to date
These negative user statements are so at odds with our positive sales figures, I’m waiting to see the full report next week.
It also seems this phenomenon is not localised to the US but applies to all user groups globally.
Here are three sample reports.
Ms, 14-35,
• 89% of this group report negative feelings while using Honestli – shame, guilt, deceit etc.
• Less than 1% intend to stop using Honestli despite deep product resentment.
Corporate and Med-sized. co’s.
• 62% market penetration and increasing.
• Business users report reduced meeting attendance at Honestli installation sites and more ad hoc meetings off site.
• Subjects report sense of oppression as well as shame and anger when a positive assay is reported.
• Subjects report that 95% no longer engender a positive assay in the workplace.
• Subjects report ‘depressing’ fall-off in inter-personal communication.
Fs, 14- 22, (78% ownership)
• Of those, nearly all report negative experiences or can relate anecdotal evidence about emotional trauma related a positive assay during Honestli use.
• 98% have ‘little or no intention’ of discontinuing Honestli use.
I’m sure you can see which way the wind is blowing by now. Any negativity associated with the Honestli is simply transference from the unpleasant or harrowing consequences of a positive assay. I’m confident we’ll be able to head this off with a more targeted statement in our next ad campaign.
Other news: In the face of the increasingly physical and hostile feedback during focus groups, Chapman Research are withdrawing their services.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Heads up on SoCal local furore
Southern California (USA) Teachers’ groups are demanding an immediate ban on Honestli use on school property citing increased classroom disruptions, squabbling and playground violence.
Contact Div maintains it’s the usual result of fad-ism. Contrariwise, teachers maintain Honestli’s will stunt the development of child’s own ‘moral compass’.
Contact Div. to counter with “Honestli as moral GPS” reply as per agreed tactical response plan.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - $42.85c ! - Do Not Circulate !
According to Head Office Veritas created more millionaires in the last eight months than in any time in business history. Let’s hear it for employee stock option plans.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Report from Europe
The "Put it back in the box, Pandora" campaign seems to be gaining a foothold in Europe. Fortunately the Pandora reference is not well-known within NAFTA.
Despite widely televised scenes of Honestli’s being embedded in concrete in Reims, Pisa, Newcastle and Oslo, sales continue to rise most likely because of the attendant publicity.
In other good news, AFS Media tells us awareness of the Honestli has viral properties now so we can withdraw product advertising to the domestic market.
Halo effect should keep us Front of Mind within the commercial market. AFS Media estimates we’ve had the equivalent of 1250 hours of free primetime airtime Q2 in the EU alone.
Sue
Corpcomm
To some Div. Heads (N.B. NOT Legal) - Legal challenges
EU and non-member states are considering modifying their legislation to accommodate Honestli assays, contingent on the outcome of a three-year introductory trial.
EU Jurisprudence Review C’tee has called an Extraordinary Convocation to review Honestli use in enforcement and legal arenas.
(more EU media time gratis, thank you very much. AFS Media to monitor coverage hours, views, impressions and word count.)
In US - Honestli use has been forbidden within several Federal Agencies. However no US Federal directives about public Honestli usage are anticipated although most offices are issuing unofficial instructions to front line staff not to use the Honestli when interviewing the public.
Still in the US practically all of the organisations representing defense lawyers are lobbying for an immediate national permanent injunction against the use of the Honestli in ANY official capacity.
I've asked Legal Div.to look into this but frankly I can't be sure where their loyalties will lie.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Backlash
The Watchers at NBI have found a growing number of anti-Honestli sites and groups. These draw the most traffic;
Thebiglie.com
Veritasucks.com
#TrashHonestli
#Passivecoercion
#Bitemyassay + others
Our own site has been defaced twice and our ISP DoS’d repeatedly. Obviously these people see the world differently than we do and we have to respect those differences even though we may not like them.
We’ve passed the identities of those responsible for the DoS attacks on to the FBI and relevant local enforcement agencies.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Report from Returns
We have always endorsed a generous returns policy for the Honestli.
To recap; the product can be returned when there is a fault in function, manufacture or materials.
However our Consumer Care Div. notes an increasing number of invalid returns post-Holiday season.
Invalid returns include;
129 with nails through unit or otherwise forcibly penetrated.
28 units melted completely.
107 in plastic bags containing various forms of human excretion and exudate.
71 crushed.
42 drilled.
12 melted with acids.
47 scored by sharp objects.
‘several bag loads’ wrapped in still damp tissues (later found to be tears)
.
13 returned with pictures wrapped around them held in place with rubber bands; "He/she's gone and it's your fault" scored deep into the fabric of the photo by ballpoint. 324 were sent with wedding rings
.
22 others came with a torn off section from a milk carton showing a child; “Left home, your fault” included as message.
Obviously we shall have to re-think our returns policy.
Until then, can we install some package screening system that detects biological agents as well as chemical threats?
Security to advise asap.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads – Honestli use at internal meetings
Upstairs now insists that all meetings have to take place without your Honestli. DO NOT bring your Honestli to meetings.
No charges are to be laid after yesterday’s incident in the Stramash Boardroom and those involved in the fracas will be disciplined internally.
I fully appreciate we all have been under a lot of stress due to the demands of our success but that's no excuse for fighting amongst ourselves.
Don’t let an internal tiff that got out of hand knock us off course. There was no real harm done. So let's see no more Honestli use at meetings.
Sue
Corpcomm
To Engineering Div - Combustion reports
Several environmental agencies want to know what kind of plastics are involved in production. Apparently there is some concern that when burnt en masse Honestli shells de-gas a carcinogenic compound.
Neil, can you handle?
Sue
Corpcomm
To Brand Development Division - Research capabilities
With the sudden departure of Chapman Research, we have been obliged to move our research capabilities in-house.
If any of you know of someone looking for work, our research department needs interviewers for focus-grouping.
We will provide the necessary training and ensure their personal safety and security during the interview process with members of the public.
Contact KJ in HR, x256.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Scarborough sabotage
Scarborough Foundry will be off-line until the clean room is re-built. Extra security has been allocated to all our regional fab plants so you can reassure regional sales staff that supply will not be affected.
We’re also moving from JIT to holding inventory as a buffer against any other production disruptions.
HQ can now only accessed through the secured portals. All staff will be required to bio-ID.
For our added protection from intruders – and sadly from the misguided individual within our own team - additional active and passive surveillance is being installed.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Public protests
The worldwide protest and picketing planned by the Right to Lie groups will, in all likelihood close down all our operations. Consequently all personnel are to take a mandatory vacation day on the day of protest (yet to be announced).
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Tragic Passing
The tragic and sudden demise of the author of the original Honestli algorithm, Mr Laurence Skilling has shaken us deeply.
The company will recognize his invaluable achievements and contributions to Veritas at 11.00 a.m. today when we will ask all employees worldwide to stand in their cubicles and work stations for 30 seconds of silence.
Those of your personnel in the North Tower and in the plaza below who witnessed Mr Skilling’s demise will be contacted later today by trauma counseling specialists.
Sue
Corpcomm
2 Apr 07
Accounting Div.- Attack in Indonesia - Extraordinary expenses
Obviously the weapon attack on our Indonesian office has had a significant negative influence on employee morale. Consequently our books this year will show an increase in costs related to re-recruiting and retaining trained personnel. Increased litigation and security costs should also be expected.
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Vatican’s comment
We are developing our position with regard to last night’s announcement of a Papal Bull proscribing the use of Honestli’s by all Roman Catholics and excluding Honestli’s from Confessionals.
Sue
Corpcomm
To Legal Div. - Papal Bull
Can we sue the Vatican for commercial losses as a result of a Papal Bull?
Sue
Corpcomm
To all Div. Heads - Class action suit
A legal action has been brought against the executive officers of Veritas for infringing a human being’s need and right to lie.
This preposterous notion significantly impacts the way we conduct our business as we can expect ALL internal communications to be subpoened as possible evidence some time in the future.
To protect our legitimate commercial interests please communicate using only handwritten notes and destroy after use, effective immediately.
Each Veritas office is mandated to institute a mailperson distribution system for internal mail.
Signing off.
Sue
Corpcomm
Update.
On June 10 this year, all 1270 class action suits against Veritas were held in abeyance when The Hague Court launched its own action against Veritas for Crimes of Commerce against Humanity.
Production of the Honestli was halted and all inventory placed in bonded warehouses. Skilling’s original algorithm for assaying a target’s bio-energetic field is currently in the custody of The Hague Court.
Sue Engerlund is declining to cooperate with the Court and is under house arrest. We will defend her in court for as many chargeable hours as necessary but you can see from the above she’s obviously complicit at some level so our principal goal isn’t to win but to mitigate penalties.
A bio-energetic field assay will be accepted as evidence at the trial of the executive officers of Veritas. Irony detectors need not be worn.
So team, to Den Haag.
