Dramatis Personae

Introducing the dust bunnies

Rayon

Bright blue cellulose and little else. Rayon is a simple dust bunny this very minute entangled from a bright blue winter hat. He’s seen the outdoors but hasn’t seen much of the indoors world. Yet.

Knickers

Lace, cotton, frilly bits and elastic, she’s a many-threaded dust bunny who’s seen more aspects of the indoor world than any bunny would want to. Ever.

Stour

Pocket lint. You’re sure to have one of his ilk in a pocket somewhere. Prone to picking up detritus and debris so, while rugged, he’s a scruffy oik too.

Twill

First entangled in the turn-ups of a pair of military trousers.

Sloughed off from an army surplus uniform bought for a fancy dress party and has maintained a ‘low operational profile’ ever since. Made of stern milspec stuff – even some gold braid - and hasn’t adapted completely to civilian life under the bed.

Yarn

Dust bunny lore claims Yarn has been up in the attic since before the house was built. A veritable tapestry of threads of all colours, finishes and thicknesses. Dark and enigmatic to the point of wilful obscurity some say. A big old dustball of threads and fibres dating back to a time before nylon.

With a full supporting cast

The Biddies

Bit ‘o this ‘n’ a bit o’ that. As seagulls are to rubbish tips, so the biddy bunnies are to houses – everywhere, irremovable and annoying. They’re terrific complainers.

Fuzz bunnies

So simple yet so annoying. Found in abundance near the laundry they waft off sheets and towels in drifts. Lightweights in every sense of the word. Can also be nasally detected as they exude an aroma of either woodland glade or seabreeze due to the enthusiastic overuse of fabric softener.

Screen bunnies

Creations of electrostatic attraction, drawn irresistibly together by forces beyond their control, they huddle together, grey and tightly wound behind, in and around electrical devices.. Continuously absorbing information from televisions and computers, the screen bunnies enthusiastically press their prodigious knowledge upon passing dust bunnies who, for reasons that elude them, all move on rapidly.

Washroom bunnies

They have bits stuck to them. Bits from the bathroom, airborne particulates and the like. So the less said, the better.

Back of the wardrobe bunnies

Haute couture dust bunnies from when The Mum could afford to care about fashion. Once expensive, colourful and exotic they now reside in splendid isolation at the back of the spare wardrobe rarely seeing the light of day and pining darling, pining.

Basement bunnies

Rough and ready. Made of dungaree and sack cloth, cleaning cloth and paint rag, maybe with a bit of wire wool thrown in as well. Tough and hardy bunnies of few words and fewer thoughts.

Kitchen bunnies

Tea towels, table clothes and napkins mostly, with some apron and oven glove thrown in. Potentially a source of all major food groups given how much kitchen debris they accumulate rolling about from fridge to stove and back again. 

Also featuring

The Wind

Aka Fast Eddy, Big Gust, Gale, Zephyr, Breeze, and Vortex. Any of the Aeolian processes, any turbulent movement of air – inside or outside, natural or manufactured - that stirs a dust bunny. Capricious and unpredictable, gentle and fierce.

Central vacuum cleaner

Bringer of The Wind That Blows Backwards, the dust bunny’s insatiable Nemesis.

Coiled behind the walls of the house until summoned then the central vac manifests as several meters of python-like tubing with a head that transforms from sharp snout to a broad hammerhead bristling with bristles. Its 1500 watt heart lurks in the gloom of the basement. Presently ailing and silent.

The Peoples

The Mum. About to mum again

The Dad. Specialising in daddery

An Andrew. A younger one of the species, friend of The Josh

The Josh. Also a younger one of the species.

The Aunt Vera. Sibling to The Mum

Mr X. Central vac repairman. (Full name redacted)